Editing Chapter 1 of THE SAVIOR'S CHAMPION (Jenna Moreci)

there's a thing in writing that I've picked up on actually by reading sabriel by Garth Nix which is a book I adored

I knew it was really bad but it's interesting just to really enumerate and look at the ways that it is really bad and again we didn't even really fix anything like paragraph by paragraph we just started skipping things to get through some of the major points